Guess who’s got the Closing Bell today, people! Let’s have some fun.

Show Me Shohei

If you caught the Fantasy Alarm Show on SiriusXM Fantasy Sports Radio, you already know how I feel about Shohei Ohtani, his performance to open the year and what all those super-smart people had to say about him and his spring numbers. Before I get to the Angels’ superstar and his game today, let me just say that if a fantasy writer tells you spring stats don’t matter and then craps on a guy because of a poor spring, you need a new source for advice. It means their opinions aren’t based in facts and research. They’re just flighty opinions easily swayed by the hot topic of the day. If the majority love a player, so do they. If there’s criticism, they waffle until someone stronger makes an assessment for them to follow. Is that really who you want to put your trust into? I didn’t think so.

As for the league’s premier two-way player, he shined brightly once again with his second homer in two days. And best of all (depending on who you own), it came off Corey Kluber who had just gone four scoreless innings and then followed Ohtani’s home run with the final out in the fifth and another two scoreless frames. Pitchers spent all spring pitching him high and inside, he made the necessary adjustments to fight those pitches off and now fantasy owners are reaping the benefits of extended, quality at-bats and pitcher mistakes.

Like this one by Kluber that he accidentally grooved right down Broadway:

At least he got a warmer dugout reception for this one than he did on his first (love this, by the way)

The hardest part about owning Ohtani now, at least for those in weekly formats, is whether to use him as a pitcher or a hitter for the week. Both look equally tasty right now.

Corbin Monster (Nom Nom Nom)

Here’s some food for thought: the humidor don’t mean squat when your pitcher is fanning 12 and inducing another six ground ball outs.

That’s exactly what went down today when Patrick Corbin took the hill to face the Dodgers in sunny Arizona. His final line – 7.1 IP 1 H 0 ER 1 BB 12 K – was something of which fantasy wet dreams are made. Now sure, you could say the Dodgers offense is atrocious here at the start of the season, but oh baby, that slider was just nasty. Like insanely nasty. The break on it had Dodgers hitters helplessly flailing away and you knew they were in trouble right out of the gate when Corbin fanned the side in the second inning. He came out for the third, induced a weak fly out and then, BOOM, two more Ks to end the inning. His stuff is the real deal and now that he’s put plenty of distance between him and his Tommy John surgery, he’s ready to take his game to the level many believed he was capable of back in 2013.

I’ve got several shares of him across my leagues and I highly recommend owning him. Of course, there’s no way you can trade for him now. The price tag is probably ridiculous. Maybe after he gets tagged – it happens to everyone – you make the offer but it may be futile if he strings together another few starts like this one.

Scherzer'd & Tucker'd Out

I love that ESPN headline that reads, “Foltynewicz Outduels Scherzer.” Did Folty get the win? Yes. Did Scherzer have a tough day? Yes. But let’s face it…on his best day, Folty couldn’t hold Scherzer’s jock, let alone outduel him. I just don’t care about one game in April, especially when everything gets thrown off because Wilmer Difo botched a routine ground ball and a clearly on-tilt Scherzer subsequently threw up a meatball to the next batter. Equally meaningless was that fifth-inning, two out RBI-double Folty hit off him. Obviously not meaningless, but let’s not put Folty on a pedestal for a game in which he couldn’t even log a quality start. Sun shines on a dog’s ass at least once.

On the other side, I will address that meatball Scherzer threw towards the plate after the error because it found itself on the other side of the wall in right center after Preston Tucker had his way with it. While some (ahem, Jim Bowden) want to dismiss Tucker’s hot start, I’m going to continue adding him where I can to take advantage. Listen, I’m not saying Tucker is the be-all, end-all of outfielders, but this kid definitely has something and could easily finish with 20-plus homers and 80-plus RBI if he gets enough plate appearances.

Jim says he’s going to the bench once the team brings up Ronald Acuna, and while that may be the case for a game or two, there’s just no way manager Brian Snitker is going to park 20 homers on the bench so that the team can showcase Nick Markakis. What’s to showcase? Markakis doesn’t hit for power and he doesn’t have any speed. We know he can get on-base and we know he can hit for average. But what else does he have to offer? About the same as what spring stats have to offer – nada. Maybe Tucker shares right field for a little while but if he continues to hit here in his age-27 season (physical prime), there’s no reason to use a 34-year old powerless Markakis.

Quick Hits

Delayed starts and cold-ass weather; those are the two main reasons behind a combined nine innings with four earned runs for Noah Syndergaard and Aaron Nola. Get these boys pitching in the heat so my fantasy team can soar.

I’m a peacock, Captain! You gotta let me fly!

I may have to eat a little crow if Dylan Bundy continues to shine this bright. He tossed six-innings of one-run ball with eight strikeouts and, while he didn’t get the win, you have to be impressed with how he handled this Astros batting order.

I’ll try to contain my worry-meter for now, but Dallas Keuchel walking four in five innings makes me nervous. I’ll be listening closely to the post-game interviews when they’re available, but such a lack of command for a guy who usually has pinpoint control is an eye-opener. Stay tuned for more on him.

Yankees bats are going to be insane all season long. Giancarlo Stanton and Gary Sanchez took Blake Snell deep and Aaron Judge refused to be left out of the party and smacked one off reliever Matt Andriese. Of course, their power-hitting shortstop Didi Gregorius went 0-for-4 with a strikeout, so bring on the boo birds. Clearly, he should be dropped in fantasy. <<==== Clearly sarcasm in this last sentence. If you drop him, I’m gonna slap you.