Welp. It’s official. I have become my grandfather.

For those who aren’t aware, I live on the west coast. I wake up at 5am every day, wash up, brush my teeth and am sitting in my desk chair in front of the computer by 5:30. I write the Morning Buzz and any other columns I may have due that day, maybe take part in a conference call or two, answer a ton of emails, do some behind-the-scenes Fantasy Alarm work and start prepping for that day’s show.

The show runs from 1-3pm and once it ends, I finalize my DFS lineups and wrap up any articles I may have needed some extra time to finish. That brings me to 4pm when the evening slate of MLB games begins. Now usually I have a game on in the background and start working on some other Fantasy Alarm business. Yesterday, it was tech work for audio and the start of the content plan for the upcoming fantasy football season. Yeah, that’s right, fantasy football prep work in April. The fun never stops.

Today was a little different though as I wanted to really sit down and watch the Orioles game. With all the ripping I’ve done, I have yet to actually watch a Wade Miley start this season. I’ve watched him before. I’ve made money off his demise. Hell, Kyle Elfrink owes me a rack of homemade, smoked ribs from St. Louis because I bet him that Miley, as an Oriole last season, would make the team wish they had a second Ubaldo Jimenez instead. We spoke briefly about his start today on the show so I felt I owed it to myself to take the time to study his performance against the Rays.

I closed the laptop to avoid distraction, hopped out of the desk chair and planted my ass on the couch in front of the TV. It’s been a while since I really focused on one game, so I was pretty excited. I was also pretty stoked that the Rays had a .335 wOBA with a 123 wRC+ against southpaws this season. Not only was I going to break down and analyze Miley, but I was going to watch him get torched in the process.

Top of the first – Miley got Steve Souza to foul out and then fanned Kevin Kiermaier. The Rays’ 28.8-percent strikeout rate against lefties was no secret, so I assumed we’d see a few whiffs here and there. Then he walked Evan Longoria and, like my grandpa, I shouted a few obscenities and called Miley a bum. Yeah, a bum. I actually used that word. It’s not a staple in my vocabulary, but put me in front of a ballgame and out it comes. Without fail.

The announcers started talking about Miley’s curveball and his slider, showering the veteran with praise only a hometown announcer could spew. I groaned and I grumbledThen Miley walked Brad Miller and suddenly I turned into Flounder from the end of the movie Animal House with my cries of, “Oh boy, is this great!” In stepped Rickie Weeks and while he’s one of my least-favorite players, I was pulling for him to either launch or home run or, at the least, give me a base-hit and plate a run.

The first pitch to Weeks was a ball and my excitement grew. Love seeing Miley fall behind in the count, even after just one pitch. His next offering came in a Weeks crushed it. I leapt off the couch, cheered on the ball, but much to my chagrin, it was nothing more than warning-track power. It was close, but not close enough.

The Orioles did nothing in the bottom half of the inning and on we went to the second where I had to endure more fluff talk about how Miley has turned some sort of corner during this hot start to the season. His fastball velocity is up a tick, his slider has never looked better, blah blah blah. I was sick to my stomach as Miley eased through a 1-2-3 inning, closing it out with a pair of strikeouts.

Again, the Orioles came up empty against last-minute sub Austin Pruitt, so it was back to the pro-Miley talk. If I’m working on something else during a game, I can usually tune out the lip service, but in today’s case I had to listen some more. I’m not even sure I was even listening to what they were saying anymore as I continued to shout, “he’s a bum,” each and every time they mentioned his name. It was the kind of one-sided conversation I remember asking my grandmother about when I was young. She never had a legitimate response. Just a shoulder shrug and a dismissive, “that’s your grandpa.”

The Rays gave me hope in the third but ran their way out of the inning and I finally got up to go and grab a Fresca out of the fridge (grandpa’s favorite) so not to have to endure another disappointing Orioles inning. On my walk back to the office, I conversed with the dogs, much the way grandpa did, and asked them to make Miley screw up for me, and as I sat down for the top of the fourth, they obliged. With one out, a pair of walks by Miley piqued my interest and by the end, the Rays had a delicious 2-0 lead. I was obviously hoping for more, but at this point, I would take what I could get.

The rest then becomes a little fuzzy. Maybe it’s the age. Maybe it’s the fact that I wake up, without fail, at 5am every day. Maybe the Orioles offense is so damn anemic that they’re the equivalent of putting on a Steely Dan album at two in the morning. Whatever the case may be, I nodded off. Yeah. I nodded off. At like five in the afternoon. Just like my grandpa. I went from shouting obscenities at the TV to snoring like a buzzsaw and missed the rest of the game.

Well, I didn’t really miss anything apparently as it ended just as it was when I first dozed off, but nevertheless, I saw nothing in Miley’s game or pitch repertoire that makes me change my beliefs. He may get away with certain things at this point in the season, but despite registering a quality start and fanning eight hapless Rays, six walks to a team with hack-like swing rates means the end is almost near. He will succumb to his Wade Miley-ness and all will be right with the universe.

Other things I noticed after this old man got his bearings…

Word on the street is that Eric Thames was recently hired to be Chuck Norris’ hitting coach. Another bomb from everyone’s new-favorite slugger has my co-host Dave Loughran calling him Barry Bonds but better and I’m having a real hard time disputing it. I’d love to jump on this bandwagon and enjoy the ride, but I still don’t think it lasts. Not to the point where he’ll finish the year with no more than 20 homers, but I’ll still call 30 the ceiling here. Still impressive, but there’s a cold spell coming, folks. Just be prepared.

Ervin Santana is one of the most underrated pitchers in the game right now. I closed the show saying I was bearish on the Rangers bats tonight and sure enough, Santana delivered in style. Seven innings of one-run ball with just four hits and two walks allowed and six strikeouts? Yummy! He too will have his troubling moments, but how this guy still lingers on any waiver wire is beyond me.

Dexter Fowler continues to heat up. I wrote about this in the Morning Buzz and after a 2-for-5 night, I feel the need to reiterate. If you can get a share here, now would be the time to do it.

The Royals have proven, once again, that they are prepping to be the bottom-feeders of the American League this year. Danny Duffy got rocked and the offense made Dylan Covey look good. He only lasted four innings, but he still looked better than the Royals did. Some of them will turn it around, but if you’re a DSFS player, you better make sure you’re using whoever is facing the Kansas City. That would be Jose Quintana tomorrow, just in case you were wondering.

The Diamondbacks stack against Clayton Richard? Deeeeeelish! The Padres against Patrick Corbin? Not so much. Good thing I didn’t go double or nothing with Loughy on this one. Yeesh!

Uh oh. Just heard the Giants announce say that Ty Blach owns Clayton Kershaw. He may be saying it tongue-in-cheek, but that’s enough to re-channel my grandpa again. I’ll be asleep in an hour!