2011 Five Game Parlay: Week 17

Posted by Ryan Hallam on 12/31/2011 | 0 Comments

It wasn't pretty this week as all five of the competitors were on the wrong side of the .500 mark.  Only Jeff and Ryan were even able to scratch out two wins, as the baby, the jokester, and the Jew all were able to have a single win.  The battle for the title in the Parlay is a two man show with one week to go, and one of them is a distant ways behind.  Hallam is looking good to go wire to wire here as he has a five game lead on Jonesy who looks like he could be in second in back to back years.  Unless Ryan goes 0-5 and Jonesy hits the perfecto, this is game, set, match, Hallam!  So, here we are on the final week of the season and the boys are all submitting their final picks.  The last standings will be posted, but I would like to take this time to thank all of you for reading the Parlay this year, and we hope you have enjoyed it.  To my fellow competitiors, it was fun guys and thanks a million for always being timely with your picks.  Until next year.....................

Want to win $150 for FREE? All you have to do is enter our Fantasy Alarm FREEROLL courtesy of Profanity Sports and take home your share of the FREE MONEY.  Make a deposit at Profanity Sports and use Promo Code ALARM40 and you'll get a 40% deposit bonus right from the start.

After sixteen weeks here are the current standings with last week's results in parenthesis:

Hallam:  47-30-3 (2-3)
Jonesy: 42-35-3 (1-4)
Xander: 41-36-3 (1-4)
Stein: 40-35-5 (1-4)
Mans: 37-37-5 (2-3)

Ryan Hallam of Fantasy Alarm (www.fantasyalarm.com)

Minnesota Vikings (-1.5) vs. Chicago Bears -- I have not been impressed by the Vikings much this year and they did lose their All-World talent in Adrian Peterson this past week, but Toby Gerhart has been an admiral fill in this season and the Bears have been something awful since losing both Jay Cutler and Matt Forte.  The Vikings are at home and I think the Bears packed it in for the season a couple of weeks ago, so I will take the Vikes and lay the points.

Indianapolis Colts (+3.5) at Jacksonville Jaguars -- The Colts are bad. No one would doubt that.  But all of a sudden they seem to have a little pep in their step, while outside of Maurice Jones-Drew, I don't think the Jaguars have as much talent as a team in the Mountain West Conference.  I think the Colts finish out the season strong and screw themselves out of the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes by actually beating the Jaguars and thus covering the spread. 

San Diego Chargers (+3) at Oakland Raiders -- Like the Bears and the Jags in the picks before, the Raiders have taken a nose dive lately too, and although they are playing for the division here and they are at home, I see the Bolts rising up and beating the Silver and Black down as they are on the verge of the playoffs.  Darren McFadden still isn't back, Michael Bush has hit the wall, and Carson Palmer is a turnover machine.  Look for Rivers and the Gang to step up and win this one, or if not they will lose by a late field goal off the toes of Janikowski and still cover the spread. 

Kansas City Chiefs (+3) at Denver Broncos -- I still believe in Tim Tebow.  Even though he was shellacked last week by the Buffalo Bills, I don't think that Tebow has all of a sudden turned into an awful quarterback.  However, Denver hasn't played well from any side of the ball of late and I think the KC would love to play spoiler here and attempt to knock the Broncos out of the playoffs.  Kyle Orton has brought some stability to the offense, and if they are smart the Chiefs will get Dexter McCluster the ball in space and let him work some magic. 

Seattle Seahawks (+3) at Arizona Cardinals -- The battle of the also rans of the NFC West, I think the Seahawks have been playing better down the stretch.  Marshawn Lynch, as much as I hate the Skittles, has been in Beast Mode since Halloween or before and the defense has been better than expected too.  They aren't the same team on the road, but I think the Cardinals will struggle to run the ball, and look for Tarvaris Jackson to not suck so bad that the 'Hawks lose this game.  Take Seattle and the points. 

Jonesy of Jonesy.com (www.Jonesy.com)

Denver Broncos (-3) over Kansas City Chiefs -- Tebow has to finish off his season of mastery and miracles with a playoff berth which he will gain with a win over the Chiefs on Sunday.  Pick the Holy One to pull out the victory and start counting the Benjamins!

Seattle Seahawks (+3) at Arizona -Cardinals -- I was at the store the other day and I'll be damned if I didn't have a wild craving for some Skittles.  And the original red packaging too, not the stupid fairly blue kinds.  What better reason to pick Marshawn Lynch and the Seahawks?

Oakland Raiders (-3) over San Diego Chargers -- Like a bout with a venereal disease, you never know what you are going to get with the San Diego Chargers, just when it seems that they are gone, BAM, they come back and bite you in the balls.  This week I think the Raiders have the perfect medicine for the Bolts though.  The offensive line will step up and keep the Bush clean and Oakland will win the game.

Indianapolis Colts (+3.5) at Jacksonville Jaguars --- The Colts have been inspired of late, and the Jaguars are just plain horrible.  Is it possible that Indy can actually win three games this year?  Maybe not, but they should at least be able to keep it within a field goal. 

Baltimore Ravens (-2) at Cincinnati Bengals --  The Ravens have been laying the smack down on teams left and right lately and need this game in order to win the division and sew up a bye.  Look for Cincy to be sent through the spanking machine. 

Michael Stein of Fantasy Judgment (www.fantasyjudgment.com)

 Dallas Cowboys (+3) over New York Giants -- Stein was ringing in the New Year a little early and just sent picks over, but my guess here is as a Giants fan he is either trying to jinx his team into winning the division or else he is a typical fan and has little faith in his own team.  Either way he likes the Cowpokes with the points

New York Jets (+3) over Miami Dolphins -- The Jets need a boatload of Christmas miracles to make the playoffs, but since Stein is Jewish I'm not sure why he picked this game.  I guess the Jets getting points in a game they must win to make the playoffs makes sense, now lets just see if Fatty can motivate his guys enough to win. 

 Baltimore Ravens (-2) over Cincinnati Bengals -- The Ravens are a popular pick this week, as they have crashed and burned their way to within one win of a first round bye.  I think Cincinnati will play them tough, but only giving up two points in this game seems like a no brainer. 

Philadelphia Eagles (-8) over Washington Redskins -- While the Eagles have nothing to play for, the Redskins and Sexy Rexy are just plain awful.  Look for the Eagles to actually play like a team for once this season and absolutely maul the Redskins.  Should be an easy victory. 

Tennessee Titans (-2) over Houston Texans -- Two words:  TJ Yates.  Goodnight everybody!

Xander Mans of the Mans' Household (www.themansfamily.com)

Houston Texans (+2) vs Tennessee Titans – Wait a minute…the Texans are UNDERDOGS at home against the very average Titans?  This is a horrible spread if I have ever seen one.  Leave it to the 1 year old to point it out too!  Give me my picks back!!

New York Giants (-3) vs Dallas Cowboys – I think that the Giants are going to win this game also, I was just too chicken shit to pick it in my parlay.  This is probably why Xander is ahead of me in the standings right now. 

New York Jets (+3) at Miami Dolphins – Great pull here by the young sleuth.  There is no way the Jets lose this game.  All we can hope for is that the Bengals or Titans win and keep us from hearing from Rex Ryan for another year. 

Arizona Cardinals (-3) vs Seattle Seahawks – A battle of up and down teams and to our great surprise Xander likes the Cards.  I have nothing more to say about this pick other than go Larry Fitzgerald!!

Baltimore Ravens (-2) at Cincinnati Bengals – The kid is finally getting wise and listening to his old man.  Ravens are hot when they need to be and what better time than to wrap up the AFC North. 

Jeff Mans of Fantasy Alarm (www.fantasyalarm.com)

New York Jets (+3) at Miami Dolphins – I can’t believe that the Jets are not favored in this game.  Part of me still thinks that I am just no lucky enough to have the Jets miss the playoffs and somehow they will wiggle their way in once again.  Fat boy will get his team to win this game, but they will need an awful lot of help to make another post-season appearance. 

Kansas City Chiefs (+3) at Denver Broncos – Hey, I love everything that Tim Tebow has done and accomplished this year but there comes a point when it is just plain obvious that the bloom is off the rose.  Tebow magic has run out of gas and this week will be all about the revenge of Kyle Orton as he comes back to Denver and knocks his former team out of the playoff hunt. 

Baltimore Ravens (-3) at Cincinnati Bengals – The Bengals beat a very disinterested Arizona team last week but there is just no way they stay close with the Ravens this week.  The Bengals have been trying to blow games down the stretch this season but have hung on to some close wins versus bad teams. 

Pittsburgh Steelers (-7) at Cleveland Browns – It looks like Ben Roethlisberger is going to play this week and that means a beat down for the Browns.  Don’t worry Dog Pound…it’ll be over soon! 

San Diego Chargers (+3) at Oakland Raiders – The outcome of this game will be the epitome of these two teams.  The Raiders will piss their season down their leg right when they needed it the most and the Chargers will play inspired football after their fate has been sealed. 

Want to know a little bit more about each participant?  Really?  You do?  Why?  Well, in that case, we profile each competitor. 

Michael Stein of Fantasy Judgment is the Supreme Court Justice of the Fantasy Football world. Stein is the man to go to if you have any sort of issue in your fantasy football league. Fantasy Judgment is the site you need if you have a rogue commissioner who is pulling things over on your league, a trade that just seems to be really fishy, or any other kind of shenanigans that can take a good fantasy league and make it turn badly. Not to mention the fine work that he does for us here at Fantasy Alarm. Michael Stein fared quite well for himself last year in his first foray into the Five Game Parlay as he came in second place, not far behind the championship. Even with that said, Stein picks like he has had a lobotomy, so be careful before you put any of your hard earned money on any selections that he makes!

Jonesy will be bringing the noise and the comedy flavor to the Five Game Parlay as Fantasy Alarm's resident comedian and an executive producer of The Fantasy Alarm Show.  Jonesy is responsible for many of your favorite bits and songs on The Fantasy Alarm Show such as the Burress Song, "Oh, Manny!" and "80 Yards and a TD" about Ryan Grant, as well as Deep Fantasy Thoughts. Jonesy was a close third in last year's competition and was in it right to the end.  He is out to show that he is more than just a pretty face, I mean just a funny face, I mean wait.  Well, he's out to show he knows his football.  I'm not sure if he does or not, but he will at least make you laugh along the way.

Jeff Mans is one half of the duo that comprises The Fantasy Alarm Show, and yes he is the one that talks the most.  Mans has been playing fantasy football for nearly 15 years, and is known to throw a buck or two on a football game now and then.  He was the winner of the inaugural Five Game Parlay, but threw up all over himself last year as he came in a distant last place.  Jeff is looking to turn his fortunes around in 2011 and reclaim the title that he feels is rightfully his.  Will the frosted tips on his hair and his wacky chest pubes help him pick games and lead him back to glory?  Only time will tell!

Jeff's one year old son Xander Mans joins the crew for the first time this year as he has said that he is tired of hanging around his mom and two sisters and needs to start bonding with the guys!  However, Xander is also a smart young man as he has already figured out what a deadbeat his poor father is. I will be calling the young lad each week to make his picks and will be reporting on what he tells me here in this article. In our first talk he has told me that he will squash the four of us like Cheerios between his teeth and will pee in the face of anyone who thinks they can pick better than he.  A confident young man, Xander is the darkhorse to win the whole competition.

Ryan Hallam makes up the second part of The Fantasy Alarm Show, as he is the voice of reason, sensibility, and of course, has all of the looks, wit, and charm. Hallam pulled the big turnaround in Year Two of the Parlay and led the competition from wire to wire.  Throughout his life he has watched football, but for some reason picking games against the spread was never his strong suit.  But things have changed for Ryan in the past year to eighteen months and all of a sudden the tide has swung the momentum in his favor.  Look for Hallam to continue his dominance and repeat as champion of the Five Game Parlay!  Oh, did I mention he was the smart and good looking one out of the group too? Just checkin'.

Play Free Fantasy Basketball at Fleaflicker and Dominate the Competition