2011 Five Game Parlay: Week 15

Posted by Ryan Hallam on 12/17/2011 | 1 Comments

What's that coming up from below as there are just three weeks left in the competition?  It's a Bird!  It's a Plane!  No, it's SuperJew! Michael Stein, the Parlay's resident lawyer is getting ready for Hannukah by vaulting out of the basement which he has inhabited all season long and has not only long passed by Jeff, but has now just scratched past Jeff's infant son as well and still has his eyes set on the top prize as he pulled the perfecto in Week 14. Jeff, who is still trying to save face by not being beaten by his 1 year old son, had a great week and now is just four games back of the lad.  Jonesy did well with a 3-2 mark, but Hallam opened the lead a game wider with his 4-1 record and is moving closer to a back to back title in the Five Game Parlay.  Much like the Green Bay Packers, he is trying to go wire to wire, but the task will certainly not be easy.  He has three and a half men breathing down his neck, and while that may be something that Jonesy likes, it makes me uncomfortable coming to the last three weeks.  The competition is heating up like never before, so check out to see who the guys picked in the Week 15 edition of the Five Game Parlay.

After fourteen weeks here are the current standings with last week's results in parenthesis:

Hallam:  42-26-2 (4-1)
Jonesy: 38-29-3 (3-2)
Stein: 36-29-5 (5-0)
Xander: 36-31-3 (2-3)
Mans: 32-33-4 (4-1)

Ryan Hallam of Fantasy Alarm (www.fantasyalarm.com)

New England Patriots (-7.5) at Denver Broncos -- OK folks, this is the big one.  The Unstoppable Force meets the Immovable Object.  That's right!  It is Bill Belicheck vs. Jesus!  Tom Brady vs. Jesus!  Who is going to win this one!  Sorry Denver, but I have to say that this one is where the Divine One's run is coming to an end.  Tim Tebow has done some amazing things, but New England is just too good and Brady should carve up the defense.  I would have given ten points with this one. 

Detroit Lions (-1) at Oakland Raiders -- I know the Lions haven't been the same team in the second half that they were in the first, but they are still a hell of a lot better than the suck ass Raiders, especially without Darren McFadden AGAIN!  Matthew Stafford should have another great game and now that the Lions have Suh back I think they should be able to stomp the Raiders.  Hahahahaha, get it?  Stomp!  Whew, I crack myself up. 

Seattle Seahawks (+3.5) at Chicago Bears -- Ummmm, has Vegas seen the Bears' offense the past couple of weeks without Jay Cutler and Matt Forte?  Guess they must have missed it.  I know Seattle isn't the same team on the road but at least they haven't lost their two best players.  Unless Chicago can send Sam Hurd over to the visitor's locker room and give out "samples" to all of the Seahawks' players before game time, the Bears hopes of winning this game are no longer HIGH.  Zinger!  There's another one.  Hurd! He got arrested for selling pot.  High.  Wowza!

Indianapolis Colts (+6.5) vs. Tennessee Titans -- Please don't ask me why I am doing this.  We saw the Lions go 0-16 a few years back, and now we are three weeks away from it happening again.  For some reason, and I have NO idea why, I have been thinking the Colts might just get lucky and win one.  A blind squirrel finds a nut.  The sun shines on a dog's ass.  It hasn't been their play of late that makes me think this, but maybe at home versus a team that is just OK like the Titans might just be what they need.  Tennessee could look past the Colts and get tripped up.  Or at least maybe they can keep it within 6.5 points. 

Cincinnati Bengals (-6.5) at St. Louis Rams -- I have been saying for the past couple of weeks that they Bengals aren't quite ready for Primetime yet as they have been dropping games to better competition.  Well, if Cincy isn't ready for Primetime, the Rams aren't ready for Nick Jr. I watched a lot of that game on Monday Night against Seattle and WOW was that horrible football.  Sam Bradford isn't going to play and it just means more ugly under center for St. Louis.  Not even Steven Jackson can save them from this one. 

Jonesy of Jonesy.com (www.Jonesy.com)

Arizona Cardindals (-7) over Cleveland Browns -- I think Seneca Wallace is starting for the Browns. That is all.

Denver Broncos (+7.5) vs. New England Patriots -- I really think this game is going to be close so I'm not liking the Pats to cover. I'm actually just praying to Jesus that the Pats pull out the win straight up to be honest with ya.

Houston Texans (-6) vs. Carolina Panthers -- Houston's D is extremely good and TJ Yates is doing the job surprisingly. Although I think Houston running backs could top 250 yards in this one. And that should be enough.

Cincinnati Bengals (-6.5) at St. Louis Rams -- Word on the street is that Bradford isn't starting this week. Also word on the street is that the Bengals D is very good.

Washington Redskins (+6.5) at New York Giants -- This is a tough divisional rivalry that always seems to play close. So although I believe the Giants will eek out the win here because they're slightly more motivated, I expect Washington to keep it reasonable.

Xander Mans of the Mans' Household (www.themansfamily.com)

New England Patriots (-7.5) at Denver Broncos – How can anyone bet against Tim Tebow and especially when giving up more that a touchdown?  Well one your 18 months old and don’t know who the hell Jesus is and all of that, you just go with the better players I guess. 
 
New Orleans Saints (-7) at Minnesota Vikings – Even my kid knows that Drew Brees is going to have an epic week this week and knock me out of a trifecta of leagues.  Oh well…it was good while it lasted! 
 
Cincinnati Bengals (-6.5) at St. Louis Rams – This looks like a good pick on paper especially with Kellen Clemens starting at QB for the Rams but I am calling trap here.  The Bengals are just fading fast and are likely to ruin a delicious matchup like this just because they are stupid.  But Xander likes them I guess so good for him. 
 
San Diego Chargers (+3) vs Baltimore Ravens – The Chargers are underdogs at home this week?  Haven’t we all heard enough about Phillip Rivers amazing record in December yet?  I’m not saying that the Chargers are ready to compete at that level of talent yet but I wouldn’t touch this game one way or another.  Good luck kid!!
 
Pittsburgh Steeers (+3) at San Francisco 49ers – Since there is no line for this game, Xander wants whatever Pittsburgh gets or is giving up no matter what.  Personally, I wouldn’t bet on the drama queen Ben Roethlisberger but the 49ers will be without Patrick Willis I am hearing so it could be quite a game on Sunday.

Jeff Mans of Fantasy Alarm (www.fantasyalarm.com)

Atlanta Falcons (-11) vs Jacksonville Jaguars – Sure the Jags trounced the Bucs last week, mostly behind the legs of Maurice Jones-Drew but they won’t be able to run the ball like that on Atlanta.  Therefore, Blaine Gabbert will have to make something happen for the Jaguars offense and we all know that ain’t gonna happen.  The Falcons should win by at least two TD’s here at home. 
 
New Orleans Saints (-7) at Minnesota Vikings – I am going up against Drew Brees in THREE leagues this week so I am willing to bet my left nut that the Saints QB will be racking up the points against a terrible Minnesota secondary.  Playing in a dome only helps Brees feel more comfortable and me more itchy. 
 
Detroit Lions (-1) at Oakland Raiders – I will be stunned if the Raiders even put up a fight in this game.  It’s over for the silver and black in 2011.  The Carson Palmer trade was one of the worst decisions in modern history, not just because he is playing terrible but also because the Raiders have so many holes on defense that they really could use those two #1 draft picks coming up.  Calvin Johnson is going to eat the Raiders secondary up this week and finally have a big game when it counts for fantasy owners. 
 
Houston Texans (-6) vs Carolina Panthers – Arian Foster and probably even Ben Tate are going to eat the Panthers for lunch this Sunday.  The Texans are going to keep the ball on the ground, eat up the clock and shred the Panthers every which way.  I don’t expect a high scoring affair but surely the AFC South champs will win by double digits at home this week.  
 
Indianapolis Colts (+7) vs Tennessee Titans – I’ve incorrectly predicted three times that the Colts would end their winless season this year and each time I am horribly wrong.  It has gotten difficult to imagine scenarios in which they do win a game but this week I think they will at least be in contention late in the fourth quarter.  Therefore, I want to be the one who said I told you so and thus I am taking the Colts plus the points this week at home.  Pray for me…

Michael Stein of Fantasy Judgment (www.fantasyjudgment.com)

Dallas Cowboys (-7) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- If Jacksonville can score 41 points against Tampa Bay, then Dallas can score 72.  The Cowboys are in a must-win situation and should have no trouble demolishing a Bucs team that has lost 7 in a row.  Make it 8.  Prediction: Cowboys 34  Buccaneers 13

New York Jets (+2) over Philadelphia Eagles -- The matchup looks bad on paper for the Jets, but I think Rex Ryan will have them prepared to play against Michael Vick and all of his weapons.  The Jets are rolling and control their own destiny.  Prediction: NY Jets 24  Philadelphia 21

San Diego Chargers (+2.5) over Baltimore Ravens -- The Chargers are red hot and finally playing like the team everyone thought they would be.  It may be too little
too late, but their high-powered offense should be able to score against Baltimore's vaunted defense.  Prediction: Chargers 27  Ravens 23

Washington Redskins (+6.5) over New York Giants -- The Giants have looked much better the past two weeks and will likely win this game.  But that doesn't mean it will
come easy.  Rex Grossman already tore their defense to shreds earlier in the year, and I would expect much of the same.  This time, Eli and the offense will be up for the challenge.  Prediction: Giants 31  Redskins 27

Green Bay Packers (-13.5) over Kansas City Chiefs -- Even without Greg Jennings, the Packers should not have any problems making big plays and putting up points.
Even if Kyle Orton plays for the Chiefs, this one will be real ugly real quickly.  The march to perfection continues.  Prediction: Packers 38  Chiefs 17

Want to know a little bit more about each participant?  Really?  You do?  Why?  Well, in that case, we profile each competitor. 

Michael Stein of Fantasy Judgment is the Supreme Court Justice of the Fantasy Football world. Stein is the man to go to if you have any sort of issue in your fantasy football league. Fantasy Judgment is the site you need if you have a rogue commissioner who is pulling things over on your league, a trade that just seems to be really fishy, or any other kind of shenanigans that can take a good fantasy league and make it turn badly. Not to mention the fine work that he does for us here at Fantasy Alarm. Michael Stein fared quite well for himself last year in his first foray into the Five Game Parlay as he came in second place, not far behind the championship. Even with that said, Stein picks like he has had a lobotomy, so be careful before you put any of your hard earned money on any selections that he makes!

Jonesy will be bringing the noise and the comedy flavor to the Five Game Parlay as Fantasy Alarm's resident comedian and an executive producer of The Fantasy Alarm Show.  Jonesy is responsible for many of your favorite bits and songs on The Fantasy Alarm Show such as the Burress Song, "Oh, Manny!" and "80 Yards and a TD" about Ryan Grant, as well as Deep Fantasy Thoughts. Jonesy was a close third in last year's competition and was in it right to the end.  He is out to show that he is more than just a pretty face, I mean just a funny face, I mean wait.  Well, he's out to show he knows his football.  I'm not sure if he does or not, but he will at least make you laugh along the way.

Jeff Mans is one half of the duo that comprises The Fantasy Alarm Show, and yes he is the one that talks the most.  Mans has been playing fantasy football for nearly 15 years, and is known to throw a buck or two on a football game now and then.  He was the winner of the inaugural Five Game Parlay, but threw up all over himself last year as he came in a distant last place.  Jeff is looking to turn his fortunes around in 2011 and reclaim the title that he feels is rightfully his.  Will the frosted tips on his hair and his wacky chest pubes help him pick games and lead him back to glory?  Only time will tell!

Jeff's one year old son Xander Mans joins the crew for the first time this year as he has said that he is tired of hanging around his mom and two sisters and needs to start bonding with the guys!  However, Xander is also a smart young man as he has already figured out what a deadbeat his poor father is. I will be calling the young lad each week to make his picks and will be reporting on what he tells me here in this article. In our first talk he has told me that he will squash the four of us like Cheerios between his teeth and will pee in the face of anyone who thinks they can pick better than he.  A confident young man, Xander is the darkhorse to win the whole competition.

Ryan Hallam makes up the second part of The Fantasy Alarm Show, as he is the voice of reason, sensibility, and of course, has all of the looks, wit, and charm. Hallam pulled the big turnaround in Year Two of the Parlay and led the competition from wire to wire.  Throughout his life he has watched football, but for some reason picking games against the spread was never his strong suit.  But things have changed for Ryan in the past year to eighteen months and all of a sudden the tide has swung the momentum in his favor.  Look for Hallam to continue his dominance and repeat as champion of the Five Game Parlay!  Oh, did I mention he was the smart and good looking one out of the group too? Just checkin'.