Hope you all had an enjoyable Turkey Day, I know all of the "gentlemen" of the Parlay certainly did as we all stuffed ourselves full of the bird and football on Thursday. The standings are ultra close after last week as it is now a two and a half man race and that doesn't have anything to do with Ashton Kutcher. The littlest member of the Parlay (and I'm not talking about Jeff's member), Xander Mans is charging to try to take the lead as we head into December. Xander was the only one near the top to have a winning week and he is just one game behind Hallam and first place. Jonesy is the one nipping at Hallam's heels though as he is now just a half a game behind the leader and is fighting for his first Parlay Championship. Mans is going in the wrong direction as he had another 1-4 week and has now firmy replaced Stein as the bottom of the barrel. How will the last six weeks pan out? The only way to find out is to come back for the Five Game Parlay every week.
This week we have another special bet brought to you by the Fantasy Alarm. This week Jeff and I will be betting on the white hot action of the Arizona Cardinals and the St. Louis Rams. Hallam has the Cardinals and the Rams, and the loser will have to talk during next Saturday's Fantasy Alarm Show in an accent/impression of the winner's choice. Stay tuned for that one.
After eleven weeks here are the current standings with last week's results in parenthesis:
Hallam: 30-23-2 (1-3-1)
Jonesy: 30-22-3 (2-3)
Xander: 29-23-3 (3-2)
Stein: 25-25-5 (3-2)
Mans: 23-28-4 (1-4)
Green Bay Packers (-6.5) at Detroit Lions – As much as I would like the Lions to give the Packers their first loss of the season this week, I just don’t believe that is going to happen. The Lions cannot score with the Packers and their defense just doesn’t create the turnovers that the Packers do. At the end of the day, the Packers will win this game and most likely by at least a touchdown or more.
New England Patriots (-3.5) at Philadelphia Eagles – The Eagles are not that good!! They barely beat a terrible Giants team last week. It is amazing how much love they are getting now that they won a game!! With Vince Young starting once again and injuries to Jeremy Maclin, DeSean Jackson and Nnamdi Asomgua they are toast on Sunday. Give the Pats an easy win here and forget all about those Eagles playoff hopes people cause just like Santa Claus, they don’t exist.
Denver Broncos (+7) at San Diego Chargers – My brain says the Chargers are going to pummel the Broncos in this one but my gut says Tebow keeps the magic alive for one more week. At the very least with 10 days of rest you would think that Denver will be able to keep it close against the strolling Chargers, right?
New York Jets (-9) vs. Buffalo Bills – The early season hope for the Buffalo Bills is gone baby gone. Ryan Fitzpatrick is playing like hot garbage the last few weeks and now without Donald Jones and Fred Jackson I just see no hope for this offense. It’ll be a low scoring game but the Jets will win by 20+ points most likely.
Pittsburgh Steelers (-10.5) at Kansas City Chiefs – I hate giving up so many picks in all of my games this week but these are some real easy winners. I’m going to make several parlay bets and rake me in some CASH money this week. You can too if you follow my lead. Steelers will crush the Chiefs like Roethlisberger crushes bar bathroom ass.
Chicago Bears (+4) at Oakland Raiders – My boy always seems to bet with the home town team. But without Jay Cutler can the Bears actually compete in a tough road game? Xander thinks so…
Indianapolis Colts (+3) Vs. Carolina Panthers – Are the Colts going to get their first win of 2011? Or does Xander just feel like this will be a close game? Damn it kid, I need more answers!!
San Diego Chargers (-7) Vs. Denver Broncos – So I guess that my son is no Tim Tebow fan. Well, tough luck buddy cause I am raising you to be an untalented schmuck who everyone makes fun of just like him so you had better get used to it!
Houston Texans (-6) at Jacksonville Jaguars – This is always a tough game and without Matt Schuab, Xander is taking a real chance here with the Texans. I wouldn’t doubt that Houston wins this game but Jacksonville has a habit of playing everybody real close and thus will probably cover the spread.
New Orleans Saints (-7) Vs. New York Giants – I am jealous of this pick. Somehow the 1 ½ year old seeks out a matchup in which one team is on the skids and terribly over valued while the other is a pure scoring machine playing at home after a bye week. Brilliant!!
New Orleans Saints (-7) over New York Giants -- The Giants annual second half swoon is in full effect. After embarrassing themselves on national television last week, they get the chance to do it again in the Superdome where the Saints are dominant. New Orleans should be able to score at will unless the Giants pass rush decides to show up and disrupt Drew Brees’ rhythm. With no running game, it will be up to Eli Manning to carry the load on his shoulders. Unfortunately, he does not play linebacker as well. Prediction: Saints 34 Giants 20
New York Jets (-9) over Buffalo Bills -- The Jets have struggled mightily since they destroyed the bills a few weeks ago in Buffalo. The Bills have been in a freefall and will continue their downward spiral now that Fred Jackson is done for the year. This is a do or die game for the Jets if they hope to keep their playoff aspirations alive. Look for a dominant all around effort from Gang Green. Prediction: Jets 27 Bills 10
Cleveland Browns (+7) over Cincinnati Bengals -- The Battle of Ohio has all the makings for an ugly game. The surprising Bengals have played well despite coming off two tough losses to the Steelers and Ravens. Their playoff hopes rest on each game, but rookie Andy Dalton has proven that he can handle it. Cleveland has a stingy defense, so this one will be low scoring and kept close. Prediction: Bengals 16 Browns 10
Carolina Panthers (-3) over Indianapolis Colts -- Before the season started, the Colts would have been favored by 17 points. But without Peyton Manning, Indianapolis is by far the worst team in the league. Cam Newton should have a field day throwing and running. Prediction: Panthers 33 Colts 14
Seattle Seahawks (-3.5) over Washington Redskins -- All of a sudden, Seattle looks like a respectable team. They typically play well at home as they welcome the struggling Redskins. Washington has gone back to Rex Grossman, but that doesn’t matter much. This will be an ugly game as well, but the Redskins losing streak will continue as Seattle climbs closer to .500. Prediction: Seahawks 28 Redskins 24
New Orleans Saints (-7) vs. New York Giants -- After last week's loss to the Eagles, it appears that the Giants are either not that good, or their second half swoon is back in full effect. The secondary is a mess and they are playing one of the most prolific passing attacks in the league with Drew Brees and the Saints. I am expecting the Saints to put up a good number of points and to beat the Giants by at least ten points.
Denver Broncos (+5.5) at San Diego Chargers -- Was it not proven enough last week that Tim Tebow has Jesus on his side when he scampered for 20 yards to beat the Jets with about a minute remaining. Well this week the ninth Apostle faces a San Diego team that clearly isn't going to make their usual second half charge to the playoffs. The Broncos defense certainly seems to be inspired by the play of Tebow, and they have been shutting teams down. Look for Denver to at least cover this number, even if they don't win the game.
Arizona Cardinals (+3) at St. Louis Rams -- I don't know why I am even touching this game as both these teams are pretty damn awful. I am just going with the team that is getting points and the fact that no matter who is quarterbacking the Cardinals, they still have Larry Fitzgerald. Take the dog and go with Arizona.
Carolina Panthers (-3) vs. Indianapolis Colts -- It is official that the Colts aren't going to win a game, and even if they aren't playing a great team, they still have no chance of winning a game. Cam Newton should absolutely carve them up and have an easy victory. The Colts absolutely suck and I can't seet them even coming close to winning this one.
Tennessee Titans (-3.5) vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- The Buccaneers are kind of a trainwreck offensively and the Titans should have Matt Hasselbeck back under center. I am just not sure how the Bucs are going to score enough points to keep this one overly close. I'm looking for a 20-10 kind of game in this one.
New Orleans Saints (-7) vs. New York Giants -- The Giants are on the second half slide and haven't played well since beating the Pats a few weeks ago.
Kansas City Chiefs (+10.5) vs. Pittsbugh Steelers -- I'm just taking this line because it's the largest. I don't think the Steelers will win by THAT much.
Tennessee Titans (-3.5) vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- I know Tampa kept it closer than we thought versus Green Bay recently but they still blow.
Cincinnati Bengals (-7) vs. Cleveland Browns -- Cincy is a pretty good team. They stayed in it at Baltimore and now they're back at home playing the terrible Browns. How is Cleveland going to score? It's a mystery really.
Chicago Bears (-3.5) at Oakland Raiders -- I know they lost their quarterback last week but they're still the superior team and they're getting points. I gotta take dem Burs.
Want to know a little bit more about each participant? Really? You do? Why? Well, in that case, we profile each competitor.
Michael Stein of Fantasy Judgment is the Supreme Court Justice of the Fantasy Football world. Stein is the man to go to if you have any sort of issue in your fantasy football league. Fantasy Judgment is the site you need if you have a rogue commissioner who is pulling things over on your league, a trade that just seems to be really fishy, or any other kind of shenanigans that can take a good fantasy league and make it turn badly. Not to mention the fine work that he does for us here at Fantasy Alarm. Michael Stein fared quite well for himself last year in his first foray into the Five Game Parlay as he came in second place, not far behind the championship. Even with that said, Stein picks like he has had a lobotomy, so be careful before you put any of your hard earned money on any selections that he makes!
Jonesy will be bringing the noise and the comedy flavor to the Five Game Parlay as Fantasy Alarm's resident comedian and an executive producer of The Fantasy Alarm Show. Jonesy is responsible for many of your favorite bits and songs on The Fantasy Alarm Show such as the Burress Song, "Oh, Manny!" and "80 Yards and a TD" about Ryan Grant, as well as Deep Fantasy Thoughts. Jonesy was a close third in last year's competition and was in it right to the end. He is out to show that he is more than just a pretty face, I mean just a funny face, I mean wait. Well, he's out to show he knows his football. I'm not sure if he does or not, but he will at least make you laugh along the way.
Jeff Mans is one half of the duo that comprises The Fantasy Alarm Show, and yes he is the one that talks the most. Mans has been playing fantasy football for nearly 15 years, and is known to throw a buck or two on a football game now and then. He was the winner of the inaugural Five Game Parlay, but threw up all over himself last year as he came in a distant last place. Jeff is looking to turn his fortunes around in 2011 and reclaim the title that he feels is rightfully his. Will the frosted tips on his hair and his wacky chest pubes help him pick games and lead him back to glory? Only time will tell!
Jeff's one year old son Xander Mans joins the crew for the first time this year as he has said that he is tired of hanging around his mom and two sisters and needs to start bonding with the guys! However, Xander is also a smart young man as he has already figured out what a deadbeat his poor father is. I will be calling the young lad each week to make his picks and will be reporting on what he tells me here in this article. In our first talk he has told me that he will squash the four of us like Cheerios between his teeth and will pee in the face of anyone who thinks they can pick better than he. A confident young man, Xander is the darkhorse to win the whole competition.
Ryan Hallam makes up the second part of The Fantasy Alarm Show, as he is the voice of reason, sensibility, and of course, has all of the looks, wit, and charm. Hallam pulled the big turnaround in Year Two of the Parlay and led the competition from wire to wire. Throughout his life he has watched football, but for some reason picking games against the spread was never his strong suit. But things have changed for Ryan in the past year to eighteen months and all of a sudden the tide has swung the momentum in his favor. Look for Hallam to continue his dominance and repeat as champion of the Five Game Parlay! Oh, did I mention he was the smart and good looking one out of the group too? Just checkin'.
Listen to The Fantasy Alarm Show Saturday from 5:00 PM to 8:00 PM EST and Sunday from 7:00 PM to 10:00 PM EST on SiriusXM Fantasy Sports Radio XM channel 87/Sirius 210.