2011 Five Game Parlay: Week 10

Posted by Ryan Hallam on 11/07/2011 | 2 Comments

I'm sure you are wondering "who is this crazy guy in this picture and why is he a part of the Five Game Parlay?"  Well ladies and gentlemen, this is what happens when you mess with Fantasy Alarm.  Meet Allen Sarvinas.  Allen follows Fantasy Alarm on Twitter (as you all should, along with Jeff and I @Jeff_Mans and @RyanHallamFA), and one Sunday a couple of weeks ago he asked whether he should start Steven Jackson or Jackie Battle.  I tweeted back that I would go with Jackson.  Allen wasn't so sure he liked the idea and asked a follow up question, including saying that if we were friends we should have a little bet on this.  At which point I told him that if Battle scored more fantasy points I would give him a premium subscription to Fantasy Alarm, but if Jackson won he had to take a sign to a busy street in his hometown that said "I Love Fantasy Alarm".  That week Jackson found the end zone, and hence we have this picture (among others) of our big loser.  I will give him credit for manning up and following through with the bet, as well as coming up with one hell of a good looking sign!  Way to go Allen, now be sure you listen to our advice when we give it!!!  hahaha. Everyone feel free to leave a comment making fun of Allen and how much of a dumbass he is!  Now that I have officially embarrassed him on the Internet, we carry on with the Parlay. 

We are now past the halfway point of the NFL season, and the same name has been at the top of the standings of the Five Game Parlay from the beginning, and Hallam opened a little lead back up after Jonesy got within a game of the lead.  Only his STUPID pick of the Colts stood between Ryan and his third perfect week of the season.  Funnyman Jonesy has proven himself to be a worthy adversary all season long, but every time he gets close to the top spot he throws up a dud week and falls three or four games back again. This week it is Jeff's little boy wonder who pulled out a perfect week to pass dear old Dad and get into third place for the first time this season.  Can the 15 month old make a run at first place?  Stranger things certainly have happened. Michael Stein who was very close to passing the .500 mark fell a little further under that mark and will need to have another big round of picks to get out of the cellar.  The competition continues to heat up as we still have so much time to go that it is still literally anyone's contest.  Can Hallam really go wire to wire for the whole season?  Anyone who really thinks that HAS to be related to him, as I think only his mother really loves him. As we get closer and closer to the finale of the contest, continue to follow the Parlay and leave your comment below who you think is going to be this year's big winner!

This week we have another important side bet.  Michael Stein (a Giants' fan) has proposed a bet to Hallam (a die hard 49ers fan) that there will be a wager on that game this week.  The loser of the game has to have a pedicure and have it videotaped and posted on Fantasy Alarm.com under the FA TV section of the site, and the winner gets to choose the nail polish color of the loser's toes!  There will be no points in this one, just a straight up whoever's team wins the game!  Hallam puts his pride on the line again after having to sing "It's Raining Men" on the Fantasy Alarm Show last month.  Boy is he glutton for punishment!

After nine weeks here are the current standings with last week's results in parenthesis:

Hallam:  27-17-1 (4-1)
Jonesy: 25-17-3 (2-3)
Mans: 20-21-4 (2-3)
Xander: 23-19-3 (5-0)
Stein: 19-21-5 (2-3)

Jeff Mans of Fantasy Alarm (www.fantasyalarm.com)

New England Patriots (+2.5) at New York Jets – Anytime the Patriots are getting points, I am in.  Take into account the probability of them losing a third straight game and you have yourself a nice little underdog bet here. 

Carolina Panthers (-3) Vs. Tennessee Titans – Cam Newton has already gotten to the level at which I miss him when he is not playing.  Coming back from a bye week the Panthers should be rested and focused on beating the snot out of the much older and past their prime Titans. 

Detroit Lions (+2.5) at Chicago Bears – I just don’t see the Bears winning this game.  The Lions defense is just too strong and as long as Stafford makes it through the whole game, the Lions will win the game outright. 

Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5) at Cincinnati Bengals – I usually don’t like taking road favorites but as good as the Bengals have played so far this season, I can’t envision them being 7-2 and on top of the AFC North.  Steelers will win the game and should be able to cover the three and a half. 

Indianapolis Colts (+3) Vs Jacksonville Jaguars – If the Colts don’t win this game there is a very good chance they won’t win one all season.  The players had a closed door meeting this week to talk about what needs to be done to right the ship.  I expect a sloppy game by both teams but in the end I believe the Colts get their first win of the season. 

Xander Mans of the Mans' Household (www.themansfamily.com)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3.5) Vs Houston Texans – Mr. Perfect starts out his week by selecting a home underdog.  A very savvy play by someone who has no control of his bowel movements. 

Kansas City Chiefs (-3) Vs Denver Broncos – The boy isn’t believing in Tim Tebow or the RB with screws in his hand.  The Chiefs can look great at times and lay eggs at others.  Which team shows up this week is anybody’s guess but Xander is making his statement right up front. 

San Francisco 49ers (-4) Vs. New York Giants – I don’t agree with this pick whatsoever.  The 49ers can’t be this good and eventually the whole not having an offense thing will catch up to them. 

Jacksonville Jaguars (-3) at Indianapolis Colts – What a little bastard this kid is!  No sooner am I telling him how the Colts are going to come out rejuvenated this week, than he picks the Jags to slap them down. 

Miami Dolphins (-4) Vs. Washington Redskins – Does anybody remember when the Redskins could actually score points?  Was Tim Hightower and Rex Grossman that important to this offense?  If Miami does beat them down it will have to start the clock on Mike Shanahan’s hot seat in Washington. 

Ryan Hallam of Fantasy Alarm (www.fantasyalarm.com)

Dallas Cowboys (-5) vs. Buffalo Bills -- To me these are two teams going in opposite directions now as the good feeling surrounding the Bills is starting to fade a little with each passing week.  Meanwhile, the Cowboys are starting to kick it into gear a little bit now that they have found a consistent running game in DeMarco Murray. I think the 'Boys should be able to pull this one out by at least a touchdown at home, and keep the Bills' little tailspin rolling.  Cowpokes by ten!

San Francisco 49ers (-3.5) vs. New York Giants -- The bet with Michael Stein is straight up without any points, but I am still feeling confident that the Niners can win even with the spread.  I am just not sure that the Giants will be able to run the ball effectively against them, even if Ahmad Bradshaw does play, and I don't think the Giants can stop Frank Gore either.  This will be a huge test for both teams, but I am looking for the gold miners to come out on top for sure. 

Washington Redskins (+4) at Miami Dolphins -- Is it me or does it seem that the oddsmakers were a little too excited about the Dolphins blowing out the Chiefs last week as they make them more than a field goal favorite in Week 10????  I know the Redskins have been putrid of late, but they seem to have found a little juice with Roy Helu, and John Beck hasn't been THAT bad.  I really don't think I see a winning streak in Miami and not only think the Skins will cover, but I expect them to win as well.

Detroit Lions (+3) at Chicago Bears -- The Lions certainly looked a little less dominant their past couple of games, but they have had a week to regroup and hopefully find some sort of a running game.  The Bears looked great on Monday night dispatching of the Eagles, but they are a very inconsistent team.  I expect Matt Forte to have difficulty running the ball with the mass of humanity that the Lions have on the defensive line, and I just don't know who the Bears have that can even think about covering Calvin Johnson.  I expect the Lions to get back in the win column, and therefore, cover this number.

Baltimore Ravens (-6.5) at Seattle Seahawks -- I feel pretty confident in saying one thing about this game......the Seahawks SUCK!!!  No matter if it is Charlie Whitehurst or Tarvaris Jackson behind center, the offense is pretty awful.  Put that together with a Baltimore team that has sights on the number one seed in the AFC and I think this one has a chance to get kinda ugly.  The Seahawks are better than normal at home, but Ray Rice should be able to have a field day and light up the scoreboard against the lowly Seahawks. 

Jonesy of Jonesy.com (www.Jonesy.com)

Michael Stein of Fantasy Judgment (www.fantasyjudgment.com)

Tennessee Titans (+3.5) over Carolina Panthers -- The most interesting aspect of this game is the fact that Kerry Collins played for both teams.  Chris Johnson could have a big game as he may be finally ready to look like a 1^st round draft pick again.  Cam Newton has had a great rookie season and should help the Panthers score some points.  I am predicting an unexpected high scoring game with Tennessee coming out on top.

New York Giants (+3.5) over San Francisco 49ers -- I am betting a pedicure against Hallam on this game, so I might as well pick the Giants in the Parlay as well.  The G-Men proved they can go on the road and win a tough game against a good opponent.  This week will be no different.  If the Giants can contain Frank Gore, they should be able to make Jim Harbaugh choke on his poetic waxing of Alex Smith. 

New Orleans Saints (-1) over Atlanta Falcons -- Drew Brees hasn’t been the same since Sean Payton has been off the sidelines.  However, they should be able to assert themselves here in this critical division game.  Atlanta has been a disappointment thus far.  Last week’s win against Indianapolis doesn’t mean anything since my high school’s football team could probably beat the Colts too.  New Orleans goes over the Falcons here.

Chicago Bears (-2.5) over Detroit Lions -- The Lions have been a great story in terms of their return to relevance, but they have also become one of the most hated teams in the league with their violent play and unsportsmanlike conduct.  The Bears are on a roll now and they will seek revenge from their earlier loss in Detroit on a Monday night.  Bears over the Lions, oh my!

New York Jets (-2) over New England Patriots -- If the Giants can go beat New England in Foxboro, then the Jets can do it the next week at Giants Stad…err, Met Life Stadium.  The Jets are on a 3-game winning streak and can gain the upperhand in the AFC East.  The Patriots have lost two in a row and look very shaky on both offense and defense.  Bill Belichik will be kissing Rex Ryan’s ring…or foot…after this game.

Want to know a little bit more about each participant?  Really?  You do?  Why?  Well, in that case, we profile each competitor. 

Michael Stein of Fantasy Judgment is the Supreme Court Justice of the Fantasy Football world. Stein is the man to go to if you have any sort of issue in your fantasy football league. Fantasy Judgment is the site you need if you have a rogue commissioner who is pulling things over on your league, a trade that just seems to be really fishy, or any other kind of shenanigans that can take a good fantasy league and make it turn badly. Not to mention the fine work that he does for us here at Fantasy Alarm. Michael Stein fared quite well for himself last year in his first foray into the Five Game Parlay as he came in second place, not far behind the championship. Even with that said, Stein picks like he has had a lobotomy, so be careful before you put any of your hard earned money on any selections that he makes!

Jonesy will be bringing the noise and the comedy flavor to the Five Game Parlay as Fantasy Alarm's resident comedian and an executive producer of The Fantasy Alarm Show.  Jonesy is responsible for many of your favorite bits and songs on The Fantasy Alarm Show such as the Burress Song, "Oh, Manny!" and "80 Yards and a TD" about Ryan Grant, as well as Deep Fantasy Thoughts. Jonesy was a close third in last year's competition and was in it right to the end.  He is out to show that he is more than just a pretty face, I mean just a funny face, I mean wait.  Well, he's out to show he knows his football.  I'm not sure if he does or not, but he will at least make you laugh along the way.

Jeff Mans is one half of the duo that comprises The Fantasy Alarm Show, and yes he is the one that talks the most.  Mans has been playing fantasy football for nearly 15 years, and is known to throw a buck or two on a football game now and then.  He was the winner of the inaugural Five Game Parlay, but threw up all over himself last year as he came in a distant last place.  Jeff is looking to turn his fortunes around in 2011 and reclaim the title that he feels is rightfully his.  Will the frosted tips on his hair and his wacky chest pubes help him pick games and lead him back to glory?  Only time will tell!

Jeff's one year old son Xander Mans joins the crew for the first time this year as he has said that he is tired of hanging around his mom and two sisters and needs to start bonding with the guys!  However, Xander is also a smart young man as he has already figured out what a deadbeat his poor father is. I will be calling the young lad each week to make his picks and will be reporting on what he tells me here in this article. In our first talk he has told me that he will squash the four of us like Cheerios between his teeth and will pee in the face of anyone who thinks they can pick better than he.  A confident young man, Xander is the darkhorse to win the whole competition.

Ryan Hallam makes up the second part of The Fantasy Alarm Show, as he is the voice of reason, sensibility, and of course, has all of the looks, wit, and charm. Hallam pulled the big turnaround in Year Two of the Parlay and led the competition from wire to wire.  Throughout his life he has watched football, but for some reason picking games against the spread was never his strong suit.  But things have changed for Ryan in the past year to eighteen months and all of a sudden the tide has swung the momentum in his favor.  Look for Hallam to continue his dominance and repeat as champion of the Five Game Parlay!  Oh, did I mention he was the smart and good looking one out of the group too? Just checkin'.